I Felt the Lord Begin to Peel Off All My Skin

It has been a while. 

I recently just went to see manchester orchestra, fun., audrye sessions, and i would say winston audio, but i got there late so i did not see winston audio actually perform, but have before and they are great. 

audrye sessions caught me off guard. i never heard of them and thought they would be the lame band that is on the tour that no one really likes, but they showed me a thing or two. they were pretty awesome… i got their music as quickly as possible and they have not disappointed at all.

fun.
what more do i have to say? it was so much “fun”. i never wanted to actually dance at a show, but i wanted to when fun. played their set. it had so much energy and as cheesy as it sounds, i felt like their needed to be balloons, confetti, bubbles, and just bright colors everywhere. they really made the show. i absolutely loved it and cannot wait for their debut album to come out. it truly will blow the snobby music critics out of the water… how do i know? i am one.

manchester.
i’ve seen this band more than i can remember and each performance is better and better. i remember the days when my friends and i would go to waffle house with them after a show. now, they are playing david letterman and enjoying all types of fans and press. they stayed true the entire road though. they remember where they were just 2 or 3 years ago and remember what a real band is about. they will never leave my top 5 music artists. 

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on my thought side of things. 
a manchester orchestra song called “shake it out (alternate version)” has recently just been played a good many times in my iTunes. one line sticks out to me, “i felt the wave within reveal the bigger mess that you can’t fix… i’ll get down on my knees, just show me everything”. and it shows me that i think i can fix everything wrong in my life when God won’t do anything or just wont “answer” me.

i’m not a patient person, but i do know that God won’t fix things quickly unless He believes it necessary. but as i listened to this, it showed me that even though i try to be patient, i still try to fix the mess that’s bigger than me, that i cannot fix. i focus on so much with what’s wrong, that i forget what’s right and beautiful. i forget who made me into where i am. and no it’s not because i’m taking things for granted, because honestly, we take things for granted everyday whether we know it or not, but i forget that there was a person that came to this earth who lived perfectly and without flaw, and then suffered for me because He loved me. as God gives me everything, i give Him nothing. 

God is everything and i am nothing. 
i deserve none of the everything He gave me.
i am the hypocrite that loves sincerity.

Searching For Nothing Everywhere

Indiana Jones

So i’ve been watching the past couple nights the Indiana Jones movies and hey look i added a picture to make this blog look a little bit fancier. And as for the last post it says in the beginning a description about Caroline Pt. 2 however, there’s no mention of Caroline anywhere so just disregard that whole thing.

Anyways… i’ve been watching these movies (which i’ve actually never seen before) and they really stand out to me. Most movies of this genre try to play God off as not real and fake because it’s history, factual and all about truth. But, these are very well put together with God sort of as a character (at least in the first one).

THE MEANING OF INDIANA JONES:

As i’ve watched them i realized that in life we search for things when we have nothing to guide us there. We have relationships with nothing to build off of. We have certain beliefs but no evidence to support them. Indiana Jones has it a bit different. You hear him say how amazing a certain piece of history is, but everyone around him thinks he’s crazy. Then, he finds his evidence and everyone believes he’s amazing and they want what he has.

i feel like this is what my relationship with God should be. i know He’s there and i know He’s working through me. But, people look at me and say “yeah right” and then, i show them and tell them to look at what God has done for me and then, they immediately want what i have. and it’s not material, it’s spiritual. they want to feel the passion and need for a Saviour King.

ANOTHER MEANING:
i’ve also seen these movies kind of work into my relationships with people. again, there are people that we say we are friends with, but there is no foundation whatsoever to support such a claim. they see how i am with others and i show them the evidence or structure of that friendship and then, they want it and want to jump right into it. but, it takes more than just one day. it takes more than just one night. it’s more than even a week. a friendship is two things and if one person is working towards and the other is not, then it’s not a friendship. it’s working for something you never had to begin with. trust me, with my experience, i try my best to work with people to get on the level of being as close to them as possible, but here are the reasons that draw me back:

1. if they can’t accept my past, then they can’t accept me now.
2. if they can’t accept me now, then really what’s the point?
3. if they can’t accept my other friends.

Indiana Jones showed me that friendships need support. We must look for more and more evidence, structure, and history of someone to support the friendship.

I’ve Got Friends In All The Right Places

First of all, no this is not about a girl named Caroline. It’s a song from the past that Andy wrote after the band i was in released a song called Caroline.

Today, all i listened to was fun. And it was “fun”.
Nothing musically has ever put me in that good of a mood in a long time. Props, Nate.

The song “At Least I’m Not As Sad … As I Used to Be” really started showing me friendships and their meanings. The phrase “I don’t make friends, I just stay acquainted” showed me the side of friendship i hadn’t seen.
In my life there are four groups of people in my life.

This will be truthful and not sugar-coated, if you don’t like it, then don’t read it.

i gave you a warning.

The first group is the peasants. These people are the people i talk to but i am going to be ok if i don’t see them ever again. it’s just that they are people i don’t truly know and if i don’t know them, then why would i feel remorse they became non-existant when i didn’t know them. i hope you understand what i’m saying. it’s pretty harsh, but when i thought about it, it’s true.

The next group are the townspeople. These are the people that i talk to on a better level and i like having them around. i feel that in some instances i need them to be around for one thing or another. concerning these people i don’t go far into the relationship with them, the deepest we get is usually about our feelings on politics. and i don’t usually talk about politics.

The next group are the nobles. They are the people i need to keep everything in perspective. They are there to make everything a little bit more complete. They aren’t back ups, they have their own place in my life, but they don’t have a true personal contact with the real me. i care about them and they care about me, but we have our own places to be. we’re almost like the United States and England. yeh, we get alone, we got a bit in common, but we do our own thing but we still enjoy hanging out every now and then.

The next group is royalty. i respect these people with my heart because they respect me with their heart. They show up when i need them, and i show up when they need me. We have each other’s backs. It’s the relationship you can have with someone by just sitting in silence and still have a great time. They are the people you go to and to discover that they think the same thing about a certain whatever. They are in the same book, same chapter, same page, same paragraph, same sentence with you. They are not afraid to say “i love you” even when it’s the same sex. They say it with heart. They mean it. These are the people i could not make a day without.

The last person is Jesus obviously. He is more important than all of the above. And as harsh as i put it. That is the way i feel about friendships and the people in my life. If you think you are in a group and it upsets you,… well, don’t get upset yet because things can change. God didn’t make the world to stay in a constant state. He created change as well.

Those are my friendships. And the way i SEE them. If you have a different opinion, great, fantastic, but if you don’t, i’m sorry, and maybe we’ll see eye to eye somehow, someway, someday.

At Least I’m Not As Sad … As I Used To Be.

So fun. released a new song and it’s pretty much explaining my life right now. 

“And they said, hey Nate, now is that all
I began to smile and I said
You should have seen me a couple of years ago
I was laughing and drinking and smoking and singing
Come on can you count all the loves that didn’t last
He said you get us when you bring up the past…”

“At least I’m not as sad as I used to be…”

“I don’t keep friends, I keep aquatinted…”
“I don’t fall in love, I fake it…”

 i just feel like this song is about old friends and how things have changed over the years.
 i remembered that i used to be a pretty depressing guy back in the day and was very sad about things.
now, i’m not “as sad as i used to be” and now i just let life roll on.

i don’t know the definition of a friend.
i know the definition of sister, brother, and i believe BEST friend, but not really just friend. 
i can talk to people, but BEST friends are who i actually “talk” to about my life.
acquaintances are what the others are. i’m sorry, but that’s truly how i feel.
if you are reading this and are upset by it because of me, then come and talk to me about it, don’t jump to conclusions because you never know, i may actually consider you as a BEST friend or brother/sister rather than an acquaintance.  

so for the people that remember me from back in the day, a little something for you to know about me now

i’m not as sad as i used to be.

If I Get Murdered In The City,…

i’ve realized lately what friendships really mean.
there are some that are real, there are some that are fake.

there are friendships that last, and some that don’t. 
sometimes people aren’t meant to be friends because they just can’t get farther than “how are you”.

what’s the point of hanging out once alone with a person. when they are the opposite sex, and you are doing things
that are completely worthy of being on a date, it’s a date. but, you know you do not like them and they do not like you.
so what do you do? you realize mid-way through this “day” that you may possibly have a thing for them, but know they still don’t like you. this is what destroys relationships with people. how are you supposed to act now? you act that way you did on that day of just you and them, and they completely ignore you or wonder why you are acting so weird. 

it’s called a “lead-off”. it’s where someone leads the other person to think something that really isn’t true. it can ruin a friendship, relationship. don’t be apart of one. they are terrible, horrible things. 

 

as for me,… life’s getting colder. and i’m getting colder. my emotions are leaving me and apathy is settling in with friendships, school, and life in general. 

“what makes a man want to break a heart with ease?”
-city and colour